Ireland

[Paulette, spoken]

Now, do you know the number one reason

behind all bad hair care decisions?

Love!

[sung]

You're lost without your love

Your heart is on the floor

I can help you, I've been there before!

When I need to relax, I just put on some tracks

From this CD I bought for the store

[spoken]

Isn't that relaxing?

It's called, "Celtic Moods"!

[sung]

When I'm lonely or feeling dejected

I play this, and it never fails

I pretend like I'm in Ireland

With Enya and the whales

If my telephone gets disconnected

Or I spend every night alone

I pretend like I'm in Ireland

Where the Irish bagpipes drone

Smell the grass as a rainstorm is ending

People smile while I stroll past their farms

With my redheaded sailor named Brenden

And we dance without moving our arms

In a bar once I met this guy, Dewey

And he bought me, like, fourteen beers

And he told me that he was from Ireland

So I lived with him ten years

If I squinted, he looked like my sailor

Through my boozy, deluisonal fog

But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla

Took my trailer and took my dog

In Ireland, they know how to love you

You embrace in the misty Irish breeze

And if your Irish boy tires of you

You're allowed to shoot him in the knees

Say, you look like that poster for Ireland!

Long blonde hair and that sweet sunny face

Oh, no, wait that's the poster for Sweden...

Screw it, I'll never see either place

But a girl sweet as you has a future

You have hope

As each new day dawns

Girls like you always get to see Ireland

Give my love to the leprechauns

[Paulette, spoken]

Now, do you know the number one reason

behind all bad hair decisions?

Love!

[sung]

You're lost without your love

Your heart is on the floor

I can help you, I've been there before!

When I need to relax, I just put on some tracks

From this CD I bought for the store

[spoken]

Isn't that relaxing?

It's called, "Celtic Moods"!

[sung]

When I'm lonely or feeling dejected

I play this, and it never fails

I pretend like I'm in Ireland

With Enya and the whales

When my telephone gets disconnected

Or I spend every night alone

I pretend like I'm in Ireland

Where the Irish bagpipes drone

Smell the grass as a rainstorm is ending

People smile while I stroll past their farms

With a redheaded sailor named Brenden

And we dance without moving our arms

In a bar once I met this guy, Dewey

And he bought me, like, fourteen beers

And he told me that he was from Ireland

So I lived with him ten years

If I squinted, he looked like my sailor

Through my boozy, deluisonal fog

But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla

Took my trailer and took my dog

In Ireland, they know how to love you

You embrace in the misty Irish breeze

And if your Irish boy tires of you

You're allowed to shoot him in the knees

Say, you look like that poster for Ireland!

Long blonde hair and that sweet sunny face

Oh, no, wait that's the poster for Sweden...

Screw it, I'll never see either place

But a girl sweet as you has a future

You have hope

As each new day dawns

Girls like you always get to see Ireland

Give my love to the leprechauns

[Paulette, spoken]

Elle, do you know the number one reason

behind all bad hair decisions?

Love!

[sung]

You're lost without your love

Your heart is on the floor

I can help you, I've been there before!

When I need to relax, I just put on some tracks

From this CD* I bought for the store

[spoken]

Isn't that relaxing?

It's called, "Celtic Moods"!

[sung]

See, my mom was three quarters Italian

And my father, I never knew

But my grandfather came from Ireland

The land where dreams come true

[Elle, spoken]

Ireland?

[Paulette, spoken]

Yeah, Ireland

[sung]

He said all Irish men are like heroes

They're descended from poets and kings

So I swore I'd get married in Ireland

In a wedding like Lord of the Rings

And my redheaded groom, I can see him

As we stroll past the church and farms

He's a sailor named Brenden or Liam

He can dance without moving his arms

In a bar once I met this guy, Dewey

And he bought me, like, fourteen beers

And he told me that he was from Ireland

And I lived with him ten years

And my wedding he kept on postponing

Still, I followed him 'round in a fog

'Til he left with some skank he'd been boning

Took my savings and took my dog

My grandfather should've just shut it

Every story he told me steered me wrong

All the dreams that he gave me got gutted

All that's left is this weird Enya song

But hey, you should not give up on Ireland

Just be careful you don't get played

And don't drink 'til your tearing your top off

And you flash the St. Patrick's Day parade

See, a smart girl like you has a future

You have hope

As each new day dawns

Girls like you always get to see Ireland

Send my love to the leprechauns